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Anyway, I'm sad and disappointed and I know that it will be my job to keep the marriage together. Vh65, your marriage is a black swan. I had this issue with my husband and I had to straight out tell him what I needed because he had no clue. I'm pretty disturbed by the level of dismissiveness seen in many of the comments here. I worry it will only be worse when the kids grow older. This means first being clear that you want to go on a date. There is no way this will work out. Are you going to keep the sabbath holy as a family, or is he going to take the kids out for pizza after church, leaving you home to observe alone. A grandpa sense of humor and occasional clever line from an old movie go a long way.
The goal of dating at that age is to broaden your social circle and learn more about yourself. Word to the wise, wait a day or two. Whatever your leaders have said, consider their counsel, give it the weight it deserves, then counsel with your Heavenly Father about your own situation. I'd try to see if she will leave the religion, and if not, you should break it off. It sounds like she's already considered marrying you and raising children in the church even with you being out of the church. They could fill a book, the stories I could tell. Most want nothing to do with the church. It sounds like if we were to have a happy ending, it wouldn't be quite so happy because of how we raise our kids or how the rest of the family would treat me forever We'll discuss it again in more depth now that I have a few specific concerns about what our future together might look like.